OK, I know what it means and you probably know what it means. But does Bert and Ethel from downtown Stoke?  They have never been abroad before (’cause it’s full of them foreigners), certainly never eaten foreign food ("Give me a bowl of lobby and a couple of oatcakes").

Picture the scene.  Bert’s heard from his mate (they both race Whippets, silk scarves, cold wind, up on the hill) of somewhere called Torrox Pueblo (oh dear, sounds a bit odd already). Could be OK for the Wedding Anniversary, 25th, coming soon, should I risk it, bit of a surprise for the wife? The mate says Give it a go, especially as he says he knows someone who lives there. Someone who is a Pottry lass, you’ll be OK"

Bert thinks he will try and live a bit dangerously and books a week. But, he also thinks he will keep ‘is cap on, pack his ‘anky (white, knotted), socks and sandals, but he wonders if there will be egg and chips.

 Well, the time has come and Bert and Ethel arrive, hot and very flustered.  The mate has already rung me (warned me, more like) - ‘couple of werriters’, keep an eye of ‘em as they worry a bit but show them a bit of what real Spain is all about.  They’re OK, cup of tea sorts them out and when they realise I come from where they do, well I’m well blessed! AND I can even speak the same language! Settle them in, good nights sleep and tomorrow I will walk them through Torrox, show them the hidden squares and corners, the colours, the friendly people, but warn them about the fierce heat of the summer.

This forthcoming 25th? I have decided to take them on a TAPAS TRAIL around the village. Won’t that be a shock? Foreign food? Eaten among a load of foreigners?!!!!!! Oh dear!

Tapas are the small snacks which often accompany drinks (either free or sometimes a small charge). The word ‘Tapas’ originates from ‘Tapa’ i.e. a top and referred to a covering on the top of your drink to stop the flies getting in. Nowadays the word is used to mean the small side dish of food and is usually  served in either a round or  oval ceramic dish.  It is sometimes the choice of the bar man (free) or ordered from a menu of Tapas (paid for). 

The idea/aim of Tapas is to have something to nibble on before your main meal (and to a Spaniard this is around 10pm) and usually in a working class village like Torrox Pueblo Tapas are taken about 7pm, when the man has finished work for the day and after he has been home and had a shower.

The range of Taps is huge and varies between bar to bar, village to village, town to town, Provence to provence. The basic ones are crisps or a chopped salad (sometimes with bits of octopus..oh dear Bert and Ethel!) and sometimes an oyster like shell fish, which the locals swallow raw!  As you enter most bars you will see on the top of the counter a long, dome covered container and it is here you will discover a range of Tapas, all freshly made each morning, usually by the wife of the bar owner.

Anyway, the Anniversary Day has arrived and so have Bert and Ethel, thankfully with no knotted hanky in sight. Though they do look a bit anxious. In the past we have counted 26 bars in Torrox Pueblo, but I am not taking Bert and Eth to all of them, just a couple of ones in the main square and a couple up the older part of the village, maybe hidden behind the plastic curtains. After a drink or two, taking in the walking couples who pass around the square,  a couple of moans at the start from Bert about ‘this beers nowt like The Trumpet in ‘anley’ and Ethel sipping her orange juice, we have arrived at El Capau, a VERY Spanish, VERY working class, few foreigners, bar. where I have known the owning family for years. In fact they taught me a lot of the language, including discussions with the Dad about my love-life and the fact that he thinks I need a Spanish lover! By this time, Bert is getting ready for anything, including trying the beautiful Jamon Serrano (raw ham to most Brits). This is dry aired cured leg of a pig and is really lovely, especially served with one of the very dry Spanish white wines, which even Ethel is having a go at….she does look rather relaxed!!

So, did our pair of intrepid travellers enjoy the night? The answer he gave his mate on returning to downtown Stoke was ‘Bring it on’!!!!